Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
