apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
