I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
