Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
