I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
