I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
