I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
