if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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