apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
