Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
