she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
