I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
