the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
