Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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