ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
