Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
