why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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