i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
