Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
