I met the friendliest cop last night
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
