I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
