Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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