How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
