so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
