True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
