Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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