thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
