I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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