the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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