Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
