just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
