If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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