I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
my liver is dry heaving
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
