The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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