hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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