I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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