something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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