went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
