handjob tips. give me some.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
