I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
