How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
