it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
