Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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