Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
