did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
