There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
