"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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