I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
