...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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