turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
