you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
