Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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