wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
