I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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